dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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