I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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