If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
