If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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