I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
