Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
