Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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