We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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