where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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