mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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