Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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