barbara walters just said penis...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
