Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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