what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
