I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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