Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
