Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
