and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
