Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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