I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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