Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
