Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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