1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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