Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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