Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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