So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
