just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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