the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
