before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
