if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
