You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
