I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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