hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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