I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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