90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
