belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
