u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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