At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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