Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think your dad took our porno
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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