My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
