i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
