he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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