That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
