Non-Jews are for practice
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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