i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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