I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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