So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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