It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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