there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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