i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
