"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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