i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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