Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
