If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
