and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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