He is an equal opportunity slut.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
