so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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