Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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