just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize