It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
