I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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