I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
