If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
