WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
